Stupid, stupid me: Et tu, Brute?

Most people only see the tip of the iceberg, and don't realize what is below the surface of the water.

Now you see her, now you don't

The Ruse

Last week I had nothing to hide by speaking with Ms. Klever in the foyer and everything to lose by speaking to her in her office, where what she said (and how she said it) would be shielded from scrutiny by all but one beholden to her, the membership director (Sarah).

I would have able to defend myself much better with other people around and she would have been hampered in her ability to aggressively interrogate and eventually launch into and slam me, etc.

In fact, I could have carried on a dignified, very effective civil conversation ("Cynthia, tell me what's really on your mind?"), and she, if not looking stupid, at least would have been frustrated to get me where she had to get me.

"Oh, let's go into my office and talk.  We really can't talk out here...in the midst of all this noise, people coming and going.  It's really not appropriate.  (Grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat), We need a little privacy, don't you think, so we can resolve this issue ? Sarah, could you accompany us?  You know Sarah, she's such a charmer..."

"Cynthia, whatever you want to say to me, you can say it out here in the open (in the lobby) I have no obligation to have this meeting and I have no obligation to have it in your office.  I am happy to discuss whatever problems you're having with my being a member at this YMCA right here.  Please respect me."


I do find it distressing that no one that morning at the front desk whispered to me, "She's out to get you...don't go in there.  It's a trap..."  Would their job have been on the line if they had?  Instead, they made it sound like I had to...("You have an appointment at 9:00 a.m," said officiously).

I get the definite impression it was all planned out in advance with the two other players ready to do as their roles were assigned given the signal "to go ahead."

Towards the end of the "discussion" (!), I turned to Sarah, the membership director, ostensibly neutral third party observer, and Cynthia's employee, and said, "I've always felt a connection with you."  It didn't work, although I don't remember now exactly what she said, whatever it was, it was neither sympathetic or kind.

This was useless, as I should have registered by the fact the her umpire-like remarks included exclaiming at least three times at different points, "That was aggressive!" in response to things I had said that were, in themselves, a response to some sudden new aggressive line of attack of Cynthia's.  

It was if she had been listening only to be able to jump in when she could score points in Cynthia's favor.  Not once did she say, "Cynthia, now that was aggressive [questioning, tone of voice, etc.] on your part."

Et tu, Brute?
  Stupid, naive me. 

"Taking a member down":   Does it give them a thrill ("It's so boring here unless something happens"), or are they completely indifferent to it?   Or did they all have a good laugh (ha-ha), "Good riddance, I'm glad s/he's gone.  No skin off my back."

O.K.  They're put upon every day--given the largely menial jobs they have--and maybe it's only human nature that they want to pass it on down the line. Maybe it's just convenience, nothing too personal, although they're undoubtedly going to pick on someone they think they can get away treating...

"Well, what did s/he ever do for me, anyway?  Why should I have helped her/him?  That's not my job."

The mantra, Y values, "respect," "honesty," "caring," and "responsibility":  Does anyone do more than essentially lip service at the downtown YMCA?

I tried my best to honor those values.  What happened?



Pay it forward.

In the can, now!

"If Mr. Murphy doesn't want to take his medication, I'm sure we can arrange some other way for him to take it.  But I don't think you'd like it, Mr. Murphy."

I must watch this film again.